I want you to imagine sitting completely alone, in the far back corner of your house, everything silent with the exception of the furnace and The Black Crowes playing quietly from a laptop. That is the exact situation in which I find myself, and I wouldn't trade it for the world right now. I call my house my cavern of solitude, and I truly do mean that. There is nowhere else I feel quite so comfortable. I can live by my leggings ARE pants rule. I can listen to Hole without feeling judged. I can eat 14 mini Hershey bars and throw the wrappers on the table without worrying about who feels what way about it. I live here, and not simply as in reside here. I LIVE here. I interact with the world on my terms, presenting myself as I need to depending upon the audience, but at home I am authentically me. I let my guard down here, and allow myself to feel vulnerable to my own neuroses. I love my home, and I love being hunkered down inside its walls.
Of all the places I've called home, I am most proud of this one. This house is the culmination of years of hard work, and stands as a monument to commitment. This house came to my husband and I at the exact right moment. We were dealing with a lunatic for a landlord and needed out before he tried to burn the house down. We didn't feel safe keeping our children there anymore and started looking. I was in the bathtub when I found the listing. The whole process of buying our first home wasn't easy, but in the end we came out victorious.
A few short weeks after moving in, I became more sick than I'd ever been. Suddenly, my house became a suspect, and I found myself uneasy being here. After months, the doctors figured out that it wasn't my house, and I feel that made me cling even tighter to the comfort my home once again offered. It was like the make up after a breakup.
Now, I find myself wandering around at night after the kids have gone to bed looking at this house, construction zone that it is and think of all the years of work that have gone into making this dream a reality. I hate the mess. I hate living in the midst of a remodel. I hate that I'm overwhelmed by the list of things to do to finish said remodel. However, I love having the opportunity to hate it all. I mean, at least I have a home to hate. I'm so grateful to call this house my home.
~A Housebound Lolli
