I read an article the other day that sparked a profound thought. Maybe, after all of the denial, I do actually have the power to change the way I see the world. I am, at my core, an incredibly jaded individual. I've learned in recent years that it's best to accept that one truth about myself. My life experience has rendered itself key in my becoming who I am today. I've learned a lot of hard lessons over the years, and my attitude reflects each and every one. It has taken me a long time to forgive myself for the person I was in the past, and every failure I experience seems to be a catalyst for blaming my former self for my present situations. All of this baggage has subsequently led me down a road of depression and anxiety that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
If you don't have anxiety, I don't think I can explain to you what it feels like. Drowning in open ocean I suppose. It's an inescapable feeling of dread...like your life force is being forcibly removed. To me though, the worst part is the sneaky way it isolates you from your life. My being jaded has only proven to make things far worse. I hate myself for who I am sometimes, but I have decided that maybe part of it is being caused by my oftentimes salty outlook on the world.
But...
Like I said, I read an article that made me think I could control my point of view. It suggested that at the end of the day, write a journal entry detailing one thing that the events of the day made you most grateful for. According to the author, if you make this a daily habit, you will start to see your perspectives change. It's worth a shot, right?
So, most people use November as a month to post daily about what they're grateful for. This is bigger than that. I'm going to begin a blog series called 365 Days of Gratitude beginning tomorrow, November 1, 2017. I hope you'll follow me on this journey of finding a better version of myself.
~A Very Cynical Lolli
